Sociopathic Tendencies - Pathological Lying

Sociopaths lie. They lie a lot. In fact, they can create total and complete fairy tales out of ordinary, mundane events and can live within those fairy tales, until eventually their own fabrications become their reality. There are generally two recognized categories of individuals who constantly lie: compulsive (habitual) and pathological. Habitual liars lie out of habit. They are afraid to face the truth. Maybe they avoided punishment as a child by lying, so lying has become as ingrained into their personality as any other characteristic. There is no real reason, and they normally do not lie to intentionally hurt anyone. They just can’t help but lie. You can stand next to a compulsive liar and look together at the bright, blue sky and they will tell you that it just turned green. They simply lie to lie.

Sociopaths are pathological liars. They lie to gain something. Worse yet, their lying is usually calculated and cunning and in the end someone will get hurt. Rest assured, though, they’ve taken every precaution to ensure it isn’t them. A sociopath doesn’t care who their lies will affect, as long as in the end the lie fits their purpose and they get what they want. Unlike compulsive liars, pathological liars can help themselves. They know the difference between right and wrong, and they consciously recognize that lying is wrong. Unfortunately, they don’t really care. In fact, they are so good at lying, many times they become their own lie. Think about it for a minute. How much more convincing can someone who truly believes what they are saying be? The power of suggestion is a powerful thing. If a sociopath can stage himself to believe his own lie and truly live in his own fantasy, how many more people can he convince it is the truth and wreak his havoc and devastation on?

Pathological lying is an invaluable tool for a sociopath. It is the ultimate weapon when trying to gain pity and sympathy from their unsuspecting victims. It may be an embellishment, it may be a slight twist in a story, or it may be a whole new reality. For you to know they lived through an extremely abusive childhood and that their mother abandoned them at a homeless shelter when they were 3 years old is most likely going to pull at your heart strings more than knowing they lived an average life in an upper-middle class family. It makes the average, empathetic person more vulnerable to the sociopath’s current plight. For some reason, many people make excuses for people’s behavior if they are aware of exigent circumstances. Sociopaths know and have mastered this game and will use it against you and never think twice about the results. How they are so adept at using empathy against you when they’ve never experienced it is really quite a feat.

If you pay very close attention, many times you can catch a sociopath in a lie because they have a tendency to tell more than one person contradictions in or different versions of the same lie. However, the sociopath is also apt to make sure that individuals who have been told different stories do not have the chance to meet or be able to compare stories. They lie to keep acquaintances apart to minimize the risk of being exposed. Everything the sociopath does is multi-layered and tediously formulated. Even if they are exposed, they are sure to create a new lie to cover the old. They can do this almost as naturally as they breathe, which also makes them very convincing. It’s kind of like watching a young child steal a cookie from the cookie jar then deny ever taking it, even though they know you saw them do it. The sociopath employs the same techniques, seemingly incapable of exercising adult judgment. Always remember when dealing with the sociopath—they will do whatever it takes to win. Your feelings or your perceived relationship with them does not matter to them. You cannot change them, and if you think they will “treat you differently than everyone else”, you are only fooling yourself. They do not have the capability or the desire to care about you. Nobody is “special” to a sociopath unless you are serving an immediate, necessary purpose for them.

Sociopaths are highly likely to lie about and fake credentials in the business world. Don’t be surprised if you find out your sociopath boss never even went to college, let alone graduated from Harvard. Sociopaths are highly likely to lie about previous relationships to those that would be considered current relationships. Teen sociopaths are highly likely to lie about situational circumstances with their parents and/or siblings or other family members, if it will gain them sympathy. Sociopaths are highly likely to lie about physical or mental abuses if it will help them in a divorce/custody situation. Sociopaths are highly likely to lie about their recovery or reform to counselors if it will help them get out of prison. The list goes on and on, but the concept remains the same. A sociopath is a pathological liar and there isn’t anything you can do to stop them.

It is estimated that 1 out of every 25 people in the United States is a sociopath. The true numbers will never be known, because most blend in with society and go on about their lives just as everyone else does. Remember, though, that they are many times EXTREMELY charming individuals, so it is easy to get caught up in their game. If you find yourself in contact with a sociopath, the best thing you can do is completely stop all contact. Do not become immersed in their game. If you care about people, you cannot win. Don't believe you can change them. You cannot change someone who is fundamentally and physically incapable of feeling love and empathy. Do not believe you can love them enough or that you will be enough to make them want to change. They do not know how, nor do they care enough to try. The safest, best thing you can do is break off all contact. Do not go on a mission to make other people see their true character, you will end up looking crazy. Let them go and do not look back. There are many caring communities available to help you through your struggle. Check out www.lovefraud.org to start. Tell your story and begin the healing process.