Sociopathic Tendencies - Manipulation

A sociopath is a master manipulator. He or she is easily able to manipulate most people they come in contact with. I am going to look at this behavior from two different aspects. What happens when you are the victim of a sociopath’s manipulation, and what happens when the sociopath is manipulating others at your expense. Neither situation will ultimately turn out positive, but you in all of your honesty and goodness will be the one to lose. Remember, for the sociopath that winning is their ultimate life goal. This article, though, will only focus on the sociopath's direct manipulation of you.

An important thing to keep in mind is that a sociopath has a good idea of who you are before they even meet you. They have sized you up from afar, even probably watched you for a period of time to determine your habits, likes, and dislikes before you even know this person exists. Sociopaths gravitate towards victims who they perceive as vulnerable. It’s kind of like they have a seventh sense of being able to sniff out vulnerabilities. They ingeniously use your most obvious, and sometimes even less than obvious, physical or personality insecurities to exploit you. Perhaps you are over-weight, perhaps you are shy, or have a disability. They are so maliciously adept at picking up on these things and using them to unscrupulously to gain your favor. The problem is that in the end they will have no aversion to destroying you with the exact same things.

Once they begin to get to know you, they are constantly honing the manipulation tactics they will use on you. When one doesn’t work, they try out others, but the pity play is one of their favorites. They have ways to make you feel sorry for them to the point that you will literally give them the shirt off of your back. Crocodile tears will fall and your heart will ache for them. All in all, it means nothing to them, except that they are about to get their way. Don't fall for it. When they find the manipulation techniques that work most effectively on you, they perfect them. And I mean perfect—no room for error in the con game of life. One of the greatest parts a sociopath will play is his or her act of manipulation. You’ve seen it before. You just might not realize it.

Pretend the scenario is this:

You have been dating Suzi for 4 months. It’s like the honeymoon has never ended. She is beautiful, smart and attentive. It’s amazing how similar your interests are. Movies types, books, sports—right down to the same teams! On top of it, the sex is amazing—literally couldn’t get any better. You are in love and you know she is the one. All she has to do is smile and your heart does flip-flops. You anticipate her needs and have a desire to accommodate her every whim before she even has to ask. Lately, though, she seems to be acting jealous of your family. It seems very strange because your family absolutely loves her. It begins with little comments about them wanting to be around all of the time and leads into comments about her not wanting you to spend as much time with them. You agree to compromise, but soon your actions aren’t enough. What you don’t realize is that this entire time she is breaking you down little by little on something that you are absolutely unbendable about. This is your family. She may be beautiful, but come on!

You feel you have compromised enough and will no longer bend to her requests to not see your family. She then resorts to tears and explains that she didn’t want to tell you, but the last time you were at a family gathering, your brother was making inappropriate comments to her, but she begs you not to say anything because she doesn’t want to be the reason for any family disagreements. You acquiesce as she sheds her crocodile tears. The visits with family become less frequent. Casual conversation with your brother reveals that the accusations she’s made are untrue, but you shrug it off. He even tells you that she’s trying to keep you away from him. You decide that you aren’t going to let her stand in the way of seeing your family any longer. When you speak with her about it, as delicately as possible, she realizes that sweetness and tears will no longer work, so she flips the switch to anger. She turns into a ranting, raving lunatic and begins packing her things telling you that it is your family or her. You don’t want to lose her, so again you acquiesce hoping that in the meantime you will be able to work out another solution. Before you know it, your family is sick of you and your friends don’t even bother to try to come around. She has you exactly where she wants you and you don’t even realize that she used several different manipulation tactics to target one situation, using only what worked and being very good at it. Good enough that there were several times she had you convinced you were crazy.

She runs several of these scams on you at once. She knows that at some point soon, she will have turned your world upside down and inside out and you won’t have the energy to fight anymore. She is winning, and you’ve become boring. In the meantime, she is charging up your credit cards, not paying the bills and ruining your reputation with lies all over town. How do you escape? It isn’t easy, but the first step is to enlist the help of all of the people you allowed her to run out of your life. They see it clearly now. You’re the only one left who doesn’t. Begin by apologizing to them and letting them know you are trying to break away and you need a support system. Never let on that you know who/what she is, and only take with you what you absolutely need. Everything else is incidental. Get a place to go, change your phone number and have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with this person. If at all possible, do not let them know where you are living and do not allow ANY contact.

Unfortunately, if you are married or have children together, you may have no choice to have contact. Make sure it is a limited as possible, and always document it. It is best to handle all communication via email or text so that it can be tracked. Use witnesses if you have to. Do not offer any information. If she asks you questions, do not respond. Do not give explanations. She knows your inner workings better than you know them yourself at this point, so you must keep communications as limited as humanly possible. If you must discuss business, do so with yes or no answers whenever possible. Do not let her engage you into conflict. She will try because it is fun for her. Do not be her toy any longer. Although this situation is written to reflect a female sociopath, the same exact situation applies to a male. You must become boring to the sociopath. It is the best chance to get them out of your life once and for all. Do not look for resolution and do not try to understand their behavior. People with a normal conscience cannot even begin to conceive of what’s going on behind the empty eyes of a sociopath. Protect yourself and your family and get away. Do not look back.

It is estimated that 1 out of every 25 people in the United States is a sociopath. The true numbers will never be known, because most blend in with society and go on about their lives just as everyone else does. Remember, though, that they are many times EXTREMELY charming individuals, so it is easy to get caught up in their game. If you find yourself in contact with a sociopath, the best thing you can do is completely stop all contact. Do not become immersed in their game. If you care about people, you cannot win. Don't believe you can change them. You cannot change someone who is fundamentally and physically incapable of feeling love and empathy. Do not believe you can love them enough or that you will be enough to make them want to change. They do not know how, nor do they care enough to try. The safest, best thing you can do is break off all contact. Do not go on a mission to make other people see their true character, you will end up looking crazy. Let them go and do not look back. There are many caring communities available to help you through your struggle. Check out www.lovefraud.org to start. Tell your story and begin the healing process.