In the Eyes of a Sociopath

The term sociopath doesn’t mean much to most people. In those who have a slight concept, the term may conjure up disturbing images of flesh-eating psychopathic serial killers and puppy-skinning children. While related, the two are not quite the same. Psychopaths are the aggressive, violent cousin of the sociopath; however, both are currently diagnosed under the umbrella of antisocial personality disorder. Just as autism disorders can fall along a spectrum, so can antisocial behaviors. And while there are distinct similarities, sociopaths and psychopaths are different in many ways. The scary truth is that both live and walk among us--teachers, doctors, lawyers, even spouses and children—and we never know it until we become a victim. Sociopaths, though, don’t typically resort to the extent of hedonistic and violent behaviors that psychopaths will. Sociopaths seem to be inherently more adept than a psychopath in disguising the disorder and masking themselves to blend in with society. Once you’ve crossed paths with a sociopath, you will never, ever forget them.

The prevalent trait of a sociopath is simply the absence of conscience. I say this because having no conscience covers almost every aspect of the disorder. If you have no conscience, you do not have the ability to love--you do not have the ability to empathize or sympathize or feel compassion—you do not have the ability to feel guilt or remorse—all because you have no conscience. You live without all of the traits that most would consider make one human. It’s absence of all of the wonderful, good, happy things that humans feel. It’s what sets us apart on the evolutionary scale. Imagine not having that. Can you? Most of us cannot because it’s such an alien concept. Think of the day you first laid eyes on your newborn child. Can you imagine not having the ability to feel the intense emotions that most will? Imagine losing someone you love to tragedy. How would you react if you were not able to feel that devastation? What if you couldn’t even cry?

Believe it or not, there are many people who consider sociopathic traits to be powerful and admirable. Imagine what you could do if you had no emotional connection to anything or anyone. Your possibilities would be endless. While the rest of humanity is sitting back worrying about how their actions are affecting everyone else, even people they don’t know, you could be climbing the corporate ladder and scamming your way to success. Many sociopaths lead extremely successful lives. They gravitate toward serving in positions of authority and power, always looking for their next victim, never caring who it is or what they have to do to get by. Life is a perpetual con game, and their perception of winning that game is the only satisfaction they will ever be able to experience. Winning is the closest thing to a ‘feeling’ they will ever know. In the world of the sociopath, winning=good, losing=bad. There is no in between. Emotions are lost on the sociopath, but they are consummate actors, and are more than willing to make you the star of their play. The problem is, they won’t tell you that they are the puppet master and you are the puppet. They have to keep themselves entertained, and if you don’t think it will be at your expense, no matter how convincing they are, you are going to wake up one day dumbfounded, heartbroken, amazed, ashamed, alienated from your friends and family, and probably alone and destitute. Once they’ve taken everything from you that they possibly can, they will not hesitate to move on without you, seemingly obliviously to the immense disaster they have caused.

Goodbye is easy for a sociopath, whether you are their parent, their child, their spouse. It makes no difference to them. The only thing that will keep them around is if you serve a purpose. That purpose could be anything, as long as they see it as a necessity for them to survive. That could mean financial support, shelter, food, literally anything outside of emotional support. They will even marry you if it fits into their grand scheme. They are truly the most powerful manipulators and masters of deceit you will ever encounter, but they survive many times unnoticed because their abilities to mimic and imitate appropriate behavioral responses and their ability to exude charm are even better than their capability to be evil.

My next several hubs will be breaking apart sociopathic behaviors one by one. In each hub, I will talk about ways to cope with, and defend yourself against the sociopath. Once you’ve become ensnared in a sociopath’s web, their grip is almost impenetrable. Worse yet, sociopathology tends to run with one of several other disorders. You will need a strong support system to help you break away, but it is possible, and you will heal.